[I'm not sure where this is going, but I feel the need to share some of what I'm experiencing... I'm not the best at verbalizing what I'm thinking, but writing: writing works. So bear with me, because my thoughts may ramble, and I don't plan to edit it much because I'd like to come back and read this someday and be able to see how my mind was turning. Just know that I'm passionate about what I'm experiencing and learning.]
Growing up, I was taught neither that God enacts miracles, nor that He didn't. If miracles were mentioned in the modern sense, it was about the miracle of birth, of life and creation, of God's love. Supernatural works of the Holy Spirit, vision sending- God speaking direction in a non-metaphorical sense: these were "for Biblical times, and God chooses to keep them that way".
Of course, there'd be the standard rumors on the wind, you know, of miracles and people catching a glimpse of Heaven and getting visions; however, they were restricted to the "strange" side of Christianity, the side that might just be people seeking attention, the "hey, look at me!" side. The side that belonged in a mystery spot, or a funhouse, or the circus. The side that was to be viewed with skepticism, and even some annoyance because of the reputation and negative attention it gave the Christian community.
If I or one of my siblings asked, our parents would say that we couldn't know if these things actually happened; it might be true and it might not be. As such, I essentially believed in the possibility of the supernatural, but not in the actual occurrence; except in very extreme circumstances, of which I hadn't yet heard. We glossed over the Holy Spirit, and focused on Jesus Christ and the existence of God. (Recently a church group I'm involved in did start going deeper into the Holy Spirit, but not with YWAM's intensity.)
Coming here- joining the YWAM family and becoming a YWAMer- has challenged and transformed that belief in a matter of days. I've heard tell of the miracles that God performed to support and bring YWAM and YWAM Ships into existence. I've listened while the co-founder of YWAM spoke about her life, and the God-driven path her and her husband have been on since God sent him a vision in 1956, of waves of young people covering the world following the Great Commission. The stories of YWAM and YWAM Ships are stories of large and small miracles, of simultaneous revelations, of inexplicable coincidences, of visions, of God sending passages of Scripture and encouragement. They are, plainly and simply put, a story of the supernatural and the power of God. I am now a part of that story.
Every Monday night here we go up to the main campus for something called "Ministry Night". Ministry Night is a time of worship, prayer, intercession, and feeling the Holy Spirit. Last Monday night was obviously the first of the quarter, and going into it we didn't know what exactly to expect. We were told that it was for worship punctuated with prayer, and warned that powerful things might happen- had happened during Ministry Night in the past; instantaneous healing, the Spirit speaking to people, people accepting Christ wholeheartedly into their hearts and lives.
Now, background. It rarely rains on campus, and I hadn't experienced the rain yet. I am naturally a bit uncomfortable with raising my arms in worship and praise; I haven't really learned yet to worship with my whole body. Nobody knew each other very well, so we all had inhibitions. This is all in the O'Hana Court, a huge pavilion with a stage along one side. Hundreds of people were in the court, reportedly more people than had been present before. The worship music was loud, the singing was passionate and growing in strength, and the Holy Spirit flooded the place with His presence.
At the beginning of the night, one of the worship leaders took a moment to tell us that on many Ministry Nights the Lord chooses to act in powerful ways, because when a group of God's people gather He is pleased, and things happen that might not have happened if people had been praying or praising by themselves. So I was a bit excited, and I admit slightly doubtful of whether God had anything above the norm to say to me.
When the worship leader said something like "we want the Holy Spirit to come into this place of worship tonight, and we want to be ready and open for Him when He comes, so if we can all just take a moment to welcome the Holy Spirit into our hearts and welcome God to speak-" and there was a loud cheer, I did open my heart and I asked God what my calling was, what he wanted me to do, and I waited for an answer. In my mind, I went through the list of the things I've considered over the past few years, referring to them by their theme. I went through college, psychology, mentioned sailing, and was on my way to mentioning casting in the theatre world when I felt a subtle, but definite confirmation. Immediately I knew it was the Lord and I asked for greater confirmation on sailing, "Am I meant to sail for you, Lord?", and God sent an immensely powerful sensation of overwhelming certainty, peace, contentment, and happiness. I started crying from the power and dwelling on God, resting in this mind-numbing moment. I was laughing out of pure delight and sheer happiness at the evident love of God.
A while after this (though for me time felt suspended, so I'm actually completely clueless about how much time actually passed), the same worship leader prayed for the Holy Spirit to 'give a clear, absolute indicator of His presence to those in here who had already experienced Him in an unusually powerful way, and for Him to enter the hearts of those who hadn't'. I received from Him what I needed at that moment. Not more than minute later the skies opened and pouring rain fell upon the campus of the U of N, and I went to play in my first experience of Hawaiian rain. God performed more beautiful, powerful things that night; acts of healing in particular; but I remember my experience most, and I remember how I felt and acted afterword. When someone encounters God, they can't help the tears or the laughter. They stop caring about what the people around them think, and they delight in the presence of the Lord. My inhibitions were gone and I praised and worshiped my Lord with my whole heart, mind, and body.
Now, a week later, I've had the time to process and consider. The complete lack of inhibition only lasted for that evening and I'm again slightly (although less so) self-conscious about using my body in praise. I'm eager for the future, and I have no clue how or when I'll be able to pursue what God told me to do.
The concept at the heart of YWAM, its informal mantra, is to "say yes to God without knowing all the details". This concept is shared and followed by all YWAMers; it is not merely the key, but the sole reason how YWAM exists and is successful. All throughout the Bible are stories of the followers of God saying yes without knowing all the details. God made these people unbelievably successful. God will still make one successful if they obey Him in the end, but He particularly cherishes those who follow without knowing the how, the when, or the why. These are the people who aren't just thinking about the immediate future, the 60 year plan; they're thinking about the 400 year plan and about furthering God's will for the distant future, giving sole glory to God in a way that brings Him the most possible glory.
So I am saying yes, without knowing the details, and it's exciting, electric, and powerful. I am sometimes a bit terrified, but I am always content.
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